How do we fall off the path?

I just went through and read my blog from my travels in Africa and the journey I went through last year... It's been so long since I have written anything. Reading this has made me wonder where my faith has gone... I am so far from the woman I was at that time and I got to thinking... How does that happen? How can we fall so far off the path that we don't even recognize the person we were before the change happened? I miss that person... I want to be that person again. How do I get back? I feel like I really need a mentor in my life, someone that can hold me accountable and teach me more about the love and grace of Jesus Christ. Right now I feel so far from it... I used to have Linda, but she moved... We still talk, but it's a lot easier to not tell the complete truth about things over the phone than while she is staring me down. I want peace, I want to be able to sleep, I want the joy I once had. The joy of Christ, where even though things sucked, I had hope... I have become hopeless the past few months. After the back surgery, and still being in pain... After falling in love and getting my heart crushed... I let my guard down, and Satan used it... to lie to me, to tell me he loved me too, to tell me everything was going to be ok when I knew in my heart it wasn't. I want Jesus back in my life, but I feel like I have wandered too far this time. I know that is silly and stupid... I know it's not true... but how do I get back? I doubt anyone still reads this since it has been so long since I have written anything, I just needed to get a few things off my chest... I need some guidance, I need some love... I need someone to tell me it will all be ok.

A little of this, a little of that

Well, I am crazy tired! We have yet to get a good nights sleep since we have been here. The first night Micah was sick, up all night, and last night Lillian was up with a stomachache... well she finally got rid of that, she threw up ALL over the bed. If anyone knows me well, they know that I am a social barfer. The smell got to me and I had to leave the room, I went down to ask for more sheets and pillows, she got it all... The man brought up a sheet, but no pillow, so I was talking to him when the lady next door came in for the evening, she quickly gave us one of her pillows, it was very nice. I don't think Lillian was too impressed with the throwing up, she was pretty upset afterwards. Micah slept through the entire ordeal. When he is asleep, he is asleep. He is a crazy wild sleeper too, coming from the person who shares a bed with him. He is the size of a 2 year old and can take up the entire bed... it's amazing to me. Though I would share some pictures of the kids. Please keep us all in your prayers, I am exhausted and on the brink of getting sick I am afraid, today we go to the home, so we are not sure how the children are going to react. I don't think they are truly aware that they will never be living there again, they still have their doubts. Other than that things are going well. It is so great to see all of my friends here again. They all remember me and are glad to see me. I love it. We met a girl last night who has been living here since June. She is volunteering her time, man I wish I could have the faith to move here and not worry about all the things in America, the bills, and making a living, and everything else. We will see. I do find myself thinking about work. I opened my e-mail and was disgusted to see all the e-mails waiting for me. a lot is going on, sorry you are having to pick up the slack Becki! We can feel the prayers you all are praying for us. There have been situations we have been in that I think only the Lord could have gotten us through successfully. Thank you for the prayers, keep them coming, we still have several days and a loooong plane ride back. More updates to come soon!

We made it!

We are here! It has been so amazing so far to be a part of these kids life's. We were able to get Micah straight when we arrived from the airport, then we got Lillian on Monday morning. We were a little nervous about getting Lillian, we had trouble communicating with the people at ACFI, but God prevailed and we got her without a hitch. We also went to get the visas today, and amazingly the consular was very nice to us. We got the visa's with no problem. We were nervous because we had heard she was difficult with other families, but we were very blessed. Both of the kids are getting more comfortable with us. At first they were trying to be perfect, but since Micah has begun hitting, biting, and pinching. He is in his terrible twos at 4! Rachel is going to have her hands full when she gets back to Dallas. Lillian is a ball of energy! She has a very short attention span and likes to run around the room. Then she will stop for a second and cuddle up with you, then she is on her way again. both of them are very affectionate. Anyways, I am going to finish eating my dinner, but hopefully there will be more updates soon... the internet is kinda not so good here!

I'm going to Liberia!!!

WOW! I can't believe it, everything has happened so quickly. I am leaving Saturday morning to go to Liberia with Rachel. She is the mother of one here in the states, and will be getting 2 more while we are there in Africa. I'm so excited about being a part of this, I have such a heart for adoption, and can't wait to someday be the mother of children that come from Africa and wherever else the Lord leads me to adopt from, but for now I am much too selfish and poor to have children of my own. I will def. be posting pictures of beautiful Liberia and of the new children. Please be praying for us, for safe travel, for adjustment to Rachel when the kids meet her, and for them as they travel "home," somewhere completely foreign and different than what they are used to. More to come very soon!!

Blog Tag?!?!

Well, Randy blog tagged me, whatever that is... HAHA. So 7 things you don't know about me. Pretty sure no one still reads this, but we will see.

1. I have dreams about living in Africa... Real dreams, I wake up and am disappointed I am in comfortable bed in comfortable America.

2. I would rather play with kids, making less money than work at a real job.

3. I have a strange obsession with Grey's Anatomy... To the point where I sometimes think it is real life... weird I know.

4. I would love to see every major league baseball stadium. I have seen a few, but I have a lot more to go!

5. As much as I hate living in Midland, it is the place I feel most comfortable.

6. I used to have a dog, her name was Abby. I went to summer camp and when I came home, my parents had given my dog away. I am still a little traumatized.

7. I am joining Stonegate and getting baptized in September!

I would tag someone else, but I don't know anyone else who has a blog. I guess it ends with me!

90 Days of Prayer

I am a little late on this, but I am listening to the sermon Patrick preached on this 90 days of prayer. I haven't written in a while because to be real honest I have been so discouraged. I have been feeling like I am at rock bottom, with no real way out of the valley. I am struggling with the things the Lord has dealt me. I am 22, I am looking at 4 back surgeries this summer, for a while there was no hope for a job, and on top of it I had no close friends. There are people in my life that I hang out with, but no real support in the things I am dealing with. In this time I should have been looking to the Lord for my encouragement and support, but instead I was mad at Him. I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I still don't. I miss the life I had before all of this, my friends in College Station, a healthy spine, etc. This 90 days of prayer is encouragement. I am excited about hopefully diligently praying about something and getting answers, even if it isn't what I want to hear. I hope that those that are a part of Stonegate, and those that have just heard about this will participate. You can watch this sermon on the internet by going to www.stonegatefellowship.com and clicking on SGTV.

MYSTERY WEEKEND 2007!!

WOW! Can you believe it is 2007?? That is crazy to me. It seems so far away at Fish Camp before my freshman year at A&M when we had a cheer that said something about us being the class of 2007! Who woulda thought then that I would graduate early and be living at home again... haha... but onto Mystery Weekend.
I feel like so many times we sign up for things like mystery weekend and mission trips to help others, but I always feel like I come away with so much more than I gave. I was on Randy's security team... What a good help I was... I mean I'm sooo mean and all, and I could take a kid.... if my back weren't broken... but it was a blast! I was able to hang out with my Teen CBS girls and get to know them a little bit more which was great. Those girls are AMAZING!
My parents have been pressuring me lately to figure out what it is I want to do with my life, so I began praying harder about my direction and purpose. In the process I decided to come up with a mission statement for my life. It is still kind of in the preliminary stages, but I know more whatI am here on this earth for. One of the speakers from this weekend has a children's home in Kenya. I was able to talk to him about my experiences in Africa and also see what his purpose was in Kenya. He had pictures and it is so crazy to me how everytime I see an African child my heart jumps. They are so beautiful.
The theme this weekend was identity. It made me think a lot. I find myself describing different characteristics of myself, when all that really matters is that I love the Lord. I am a Christ-follower, what else matters? I am often times hard on myself for things I have done in the past, but God doesn't even remember those things. This year has been such an amazing time in my life. I have grown in the Lord and am in the process of Him making me whole, of finding happiness in every part of my life and being content with Jesus romancing me. Its an amazing freedom I have found. I have known the Lord, I have known eternal life for longer than that, but my relationship was stale. I was a Sunday christian, if even that. I'm learning there is an intimacy with the Father that is better than any worldy friendship.
I am so blessed to have been a part of this weekend. It was an amazing time of complete intimacy and pouring into others. God is so faithful to his children, I am so blessed to be called a child of God!

Blood Diamonds...

I can't even collect my thoughts right now. Blood Diamonds and Invisible Children are probably the 2 movies that have been the hardest for me to sit through. I'm not even going to pretend like I can write anything profound right now, because honestly I have not even begun to process the things I just saw. It was a good movie... A few things that were definetly Hollywood inspired, but overall pretty good. Accurate setting, authentic accents, true story from what I can tell. All these things seem to be blowing up in Africa, there is so much attention there, yet is anything really being done? This movie was done after the war stopped, I know I was young at the time this was going on (1999), but I didn't hear one thing about it, not in the news, not in History class. It's kind of ironic that this mornings sermon talked about trials, and knowing God is there in the trials. I walked away this morning so encouraged, and thought it was a really great sermon, but on my drive home I caught myself asking God where He was and how He could allow this to happen. Exactly the opposite of what Patrick told us this morning, and I know this, but why do we seem to run from God before we accept that he is in control. I hope I am not the only one that at the sight of something horrific asks God how he lets these things happen. I want to be in a point in my faith where I can go straight to the Lord and pray for his will to be done in all of these things... but for some reason I always question before trusting.
Seeing this movie made me miss Africa more. It is where my heart is, and I want to be there so badly. I am content in Midland, but I long to be back with the people of Africa.
Jesus, I lift up to you the people who have been in some way affected by the illegal diamond smuggling. I pray that you will be with those people, comfort them, and give them hope Lord. I pray that everyday the situation gets better Lord. I pray that they use the diamonds for legite business to further the economy, not a few selfish people. I pray for families that lost loved ones, boys who were taken from their homes, handed a gun and were told to shoot people. Please Lord heal these boys, help them to live normal lives Lord, help them to sleep and not dream of blood or murder. Help families reunite Jesus. Be with the people of Africa. Comfort them, protect them, and Lord help them to feel your love. I love you Lord.

Prayer Request

My dad's best friend, Tom, who lives in Kansas called this afternoon. His son, Will, who is my age and his girlfriend, Paige (also my age) had a baby last month. Since Grayson has been born he has suffered. He has been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder and have told the family it is only a matter of time until he passes. They have been running all sorts of tests on the baby to try and figure out exactly what it is, and the doctor has come to the conclusion that if Will and Paige have other children, they will also have this disorder, therefore, medically they will not be able to have healthy children. obviously God is so much bigger than that.
Tom was obviously upset when he called this afternoon. They met with the doctor yesterday and the condition of Grayson is getting much worse. They are giving him one more week before they take him off of the machines. I ask that you pray for Will and Paige as they are struggling with trying to balance work, school, and a dying child. Also that their relationship become stronger through this and that it does not seperate them. Paige's parents are going through a divorce right now, so that is added stress on this girl. For Will as he is out of vacation time, so he cannot go and visit the baby everyday. Also Will's parents, Tom and Jane as they are losing their first grandchild and trying to be there for Will. They have 2 other children, so that they would be able to support the other 2 as well, so that they do not feel neglect. These are the things that are coming to mind, but there is so much more that goes on with losing a baby, so please pray for this family. Thanks guys!

Pictures anyone??

School Children

Outside Pastor Wesley's House. His 2 youngest boys, Robert and Moses, with 2 of our new friends.

Church

Megan with her friend at church!

Karen with her beautiful granddaughter! The twins will be home very soon!!!

All the Children and caretakers at Greater Love Children's Home! Actually, now there are 7 more little faces!!

The Brown kids, who are now officially Sommers! I am sooo excited!

These are a few pictures from Liberia. A video will be coming soon, as soon as I figure out how to do it!

God's Perfect timing...

I realized once more last night how blessed I am. Patrick came to speak at the young adults bible study, and his lesson was on God's timing. This week I have had an awful attitude about my job. Patrick taught us last night that while in waiting God uses us in situations we don't think we should be in. We have to be the lowest on the chain of command and learn to serve others before you can ever become a leader. He made the point that God has probably already spoken his will for our lives, and we are in waiting now for Him to mold us and prepare us for whatever he wills us to do. All this to say that, God is molding me, using me to serve others, and preparing my heart for the journey I have before me. I am not more certain than ever that Africa is where I am supposed to be. that has been revealed to me, and this job I am in now is me serving others. I went this morning with a completely different attitude, I pray now that in the next week I can show the love of Christ to those I work with through my attitude and my joy.

My best friend from college is here!! We are having a great time. It's so great that she gets to see where I grew up! Michael gets home tonight, I am so ansy I can hardly stand it! I think like the whole church is going to be at the airport. I'm glad Meg gets to meet him too! That's all for now!!

I'm not ready to grow up...

I made the mistake of telling my dad I was bored last week. He did something about that. He talked to their office manager at the firm and got me a temp. job. i had told him a couple of things that would effect my job, 1. my best friend is coming in town on Wed. and 2. I had agreed to babysit Ava for HollyAnn on Tues. and Thurs. He did not mention either of these when asking for the job for me. Yesterday was my first day, and I was pretty much miserable. The job stinks... Sure, it pays, but I'm not sure it is really worth it. My heart of course lies with children and with HollyAnn as she is playing out what the Lord has called her to do with the agency. I want soooo badly to quit at the firm. I don't know what it would hurt if I quit on Wed., except I don't want my dad to look bad. I feel like as far as my future goes, taking care of Ava will aid me more than putting numbers in a computer. I feel like if I go through with the responsibilities I have now and finish the project I have been given then there really cannot be hard feelings, but I don't know. Sometimes I feel stupid praying for things like this, but it is what the Lord wants, for us to fall at his feet and cry out to him over things that may seem insignificant in the long run. So what if I work 3 days or 10, right? I am soooo pumped!!!! Megan comes in tomorrow morning, a little bummed they won't let me off work to pick her up, and Michael comes home on Thurs! I am just waiting for the good to come this week as I struggled through yesterday!

Sweet Jesus, I lift up to you Michael and Megan right now. Be with them as they are flying into Uganda today Lord. Please protect them as they are flying back from Sudan to be with their family and friends. Help Megan as she is going home to her family Lord. Help them to be supportive of her Lord. Be with Michael as he is going to be tired, but yet met at the airport by a million people who all want to talk to him. Help them to adjust back to America Lord, but not lose the mentality of dying to themselves Lord. I also pray for Megan my friend. Be with her as she flies in from Dallas and be with our time together Lord. I pray that we can glorify you in the things that we do Jesus. I love you. Amen.

The world is a CRAZY place!

I have a HUGE prayer request this morning. I could not sleep last night so I was on my computer and my good friend from high school, who is currently living in Japan with her boyfriend was online. I asked her to video chat, but she said she did not want me to see her right now. As we talked more, turns out she was held captive in India for 3 days (they went to visit his family). They were treated like prisoners, they recieved no food, and both are extremely sick now that they are back in Japan. As I was talking to her my heart hurt for them. This is someone I grew up, we share a birthday, and is one of my very dearest friends, and she is full of doubt at this point. We can add her to the list of people who think I am crazy. She is an only child and her mother is the sweetest woman. We were on the same team in Uganda last summer. Sarah asked me to call her mother, so I did, and the fear in her voice broke my heart. Please keep her and Milin in your prayers, both for their physical health, but also their spiritual health. I miss her terribly and I cannot get her off of my mind. God is stretching me these days with Michael and Megan and Richard and Sarah and Milin. All in foreign countries.... all people who I care deeply about.

Lord Jesus, you are so holy. I praise your name. I pray for Sarah and Milin right now Jesus. Comfort them as they are sick. Pray for their families back in the States as they feel helpless to the situation. Somehow Lord please use this time to mold their hearts Lord. Help them to follow you. Protect them in their time left in Japan Lord. Bring them back safetly this summer and help them to feel the prayers that are being lifted up for them. Help them to be comforted in this time when they wish they were back home Lord. I pray also for Richard Jesus. Help him to love the Mexican orphans with the love of Christ Jesus. Be with him and comfort him in this time Lord. Protect him as he is riding busses and such in Mexico. Jesus, please be with michael as he is wrapping things up in Yei. Help them to continue the relationship with EPC and Bishop Taban. Please also be with all of the relationships they have built while they have been there. Help to preserve those and continue in whatever way possible Jesus. I want to lift up to you also Megan. be with her as she is playing with the children in morobo. Please Lord protect her and Rachalle as they are out there alone Lord. I pray for their flights home. Bring them back to us safe and sound on Wed. Lord. I love you. Amen.

I miss Liberia. I long to be back, but it seems impossible. I don't know how to get the money. I don't know how to do it alone. I miss the people, I want to be there to help and encourage pastor Wesley. I had a long time with stonegate Sarah last night at Starbucks. We both feel like everyone thinks we are crazy. Sometimes I think I am crazy. It has been a couple of nights since I have been able to get good rest. I have laid in bed begging the Lord to tell me what to do because I feel lost. I think he is not telling me, but I know he is. I know the desire of my heart is Africa, but I am really good at making excuses. I wrote a letter to send to supporters, but I have no idea how much to tell them I need. I am going to go to First Pres. next week and talk to the new pastor over there about the trip and support. I have gone there all of my life, I pray they can help me out a little bit. Hope everyone has a great day!

Another sleepless night...

I told myself I was going to stay home this evening and sleep because I have not been sleeping well, but after lying here for an hour I gave up. Megan and Rachalle are on my mind and my heart right now. They are in Morobo without the boys, so please lift them up in prayer. I miss Megan and Michael so much! This is going to be the longest week of my life, waiting for them to get back. I can't believe that it is time for them to be back. It went by fast, but slow at the same time. I was so worried leaving Liberia that I wasn't going to be able to keep up with quiet times and devotionals, but God has been so faithful in providing me the time and the yearning to learn more about him and his faithfulness. I think it is the only thing that calmed me down during this time. I am a bit of a worryer... ok, a huge worryer, but it has been ok. When I get those fears, usually in the middle of the night, God is faithful to calm me down as I pray and read the word. It's kind of a freedom that I haven't had on my own in a while. I have been dependent on others to feed it to me.
Megan has been such a blessing in my life. It is so nice to have someone to talk to that shares the same passions and some of the same struggles. It's great to have someone who doesn't listen because she has to, but because we can learn from one another. I want so badly to talk to her right now. I'm at a place in my life where I don't know what to do. I got a curveball thrown at me and I am confused. I am excited, but at the same time scared out of my mind. I suppose this is life, nothing is ever as simple as you play it out in your head to be.

May your unfailing love come to me, O Lord, your salvation according to your promise; then I will answer the one who taunts me, for I trust in your word. Do not snatch the word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in your law, forever and ever. I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts, I will speak of your statues before kings and will not be put to shame. For I delight in your commands because I love them. I lift up my hands to your commands, which I love, and I meditate on your decrees. Psalm 119:41-48

Prayer request

Well, since people actually read this thing, I would love it if you guys could pray for a few things for me. I am looking for somewhere to live. There aren't any apartments avalible and I think I have worn out my welcome at my parents house. I also need some source of income until I know God's plan for me and Liberia. Please be in prayer for these two things, and if you know of anything, Please let me know! Thanks guys!

WOW!!

WOW!! I had no idea that people like read this thing. HAHA. I'm glad you guys do, thanks for all of the encouraging comments. Pastor Rob, I am so glad to hear that Pastor Wesley will not be completely cut off. That answers many prayers right there.
I talked to Michael and Megan again today. They are doing well, both of them sounded great! Just continue to pray for them as they continue their mission in Sudan. Also, for them as they prepare to come back to the states in 9 days. I selfishly cannot wait for them to get back.
Lord, I thank you and praise you for today. I am thankful for the technology we have to allow me to talk to Michael and Megan. I pray for them right now. For all of the team that is in Sudan right now. Be with them, protect them, comfort them. Help them to feel the prayers that are being lifted up for them from all over the world. Lord, I also thank you for pastor Wesley and Pastor Rob and the amazing things that are being done in Liberia right now. I pray that you continue to bless both of these men Lord. I pray for the Liberia team. Help us to remember the experiences we shared over there and always to pray for one another and for the people of Liberia. I pray that you help us to spend time with you everyday Lord and remember you are faithful. I love you Lord. Amen.

God is faithful, why do we doubt?

Since I have been back from Liberia, my prayer is that we in some way could enable the church the be self-sufficient. I want to empower the Liberian people to be independent and grow in their culture instead of what relief organizations percieve their culture to be. I know this is a big prayer, but it starts small. Since I have been researching going back to Liberia, I have been discouraged by the price of housing. It costs $3000 a month to live in the safe compounds. I spoke with HollyAnn about both of these prayers. This morning she called me to tell me that she had talked to Pastor Wesley and they had found a solution. In front of the Pastors house there is a slab of concrete. He wants to build a guest house type thing on there. So what does this have to do with being self sufficient? It would have multiple rooms that he could rent out to parents who are adopting children or mission teams that come over, it would be a much smaller fee than the hotel down the street or the compounds for long term people. It will also keep missions teams from imposing on their rooms. It is such an amazing answer to prayer. As HollyAnn was explaining this to me, tears of joy went strolling down my face, regardless of if God wants me to go back or not, this is a great thing that could be done. For 6 months rent, I would be paying $18000, whereas to build this building it would only be $10000. I am praying that funds come together to make this possible, especially with the news that FBC Galt is withdrawing their support because Pastor Rob is leaving the church. Please continue to pray for this, and God's will for my life. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me!

The bliss of Technology!

I spoke with Megan this morning for a long time! It was so great to hear her voice. I am longing for the fellowship and prayer we had on the trip. The Lord has blessed me with time to spend with Him to pray for Michael and Megan and I am so greatful for that, but sometimes I just need/want more. Megan and I prayed for each other today and it was great. Two friends who know the power of Christ praying for each other, across the world, my morning, her night. I love technology. I can't even imagine what it would be like if I didn't even get to talk to Megan or Michael for the entire month they are in Sudan.
Dear Jesus,
I pray for the Sudan team right now. I pray that you are with them and comfort them Jesus. As they are about to start their Friday, please protect them. Be with them in the personal struggles they are facing right now Lord. Be with them as they are getting tired, and maybe a little bit sick. Be with them as they grow weary Lord. Once more I lift up their families. Comfort them and help them find peace in the work these amazing people are doing. Be with their friends who are back home who miss them. Help those around them to grow in you Christ as they fall on their knees to pray for Africa. I love you Jesus. Amen.
This is my 8th week of being sick, minus the week I was in Liberia. I started running fever on Christmas, and finally went to the dr. today. I have strep throat and a respiratory infection. Please keep me in your prayers and my body is trying to heal itself while dealing with different things emotionally.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you O God. My sould thirsts for God, the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'" Psalms 42:1-3

Pastor Wesley.... and boys....

Well, I e-mailed Pastor Wesley today about me coming over there! his reply was very encouraging. He said he is excited about my arrival! I pray that the funds will come in. Matthew said he was going to help me look for a place to live and get me prices. The people there are so amazing and willing to help. I wish I could get on a plane right now and go back. My heart yearns for it! I watched the Sudan video this morning and it was so amazing. I still wish I were there! Please keep them in your prayers. Their blog site is: www.sudanskids.blogspot.com.
On another note, I went and saw The Holiday last night. It was an interesting movie. Cute love story, but it got me thinking about God's plan for our mates, and the pursuit. I think so many times, we as women get desperate for someone to make us feel special that we forget about the pursuit. We forget that we are the King's daughter, and we deserve to be treated like princesses. Not in the sense that a man should bow down to us, but in the persuit of a relationship. He should make the first move, and he should romance us. So many women these days, me included, aren't picky enough. We date guys who's eyes are not on Jesus alone, and in doing that we enter unhealthy relationships. The saddest part about that is that we get accostumed to being treated poorly, and no longer long for the man who will respect and love the Lord above us. A true head of the household. I read Wild at Heart and Captivating earlier this year. I think it is time for a reread. I am so excited about the Man God has molded for me. How great is our God? "Above all else, guard your heart,for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

Christmas

Today is Christmas. I woke up thinking about Michael and Megan, and about their families who are celebrating without them. I immediatly prayed for them, for their families, for the orphans. I got all I asked for and so much more for Christmas. It was a great time with family. I am getting sicker I think. I have been sick for about 7 weeks already, and today i felt really bad. I think a lot of it is all the wind and stuff. I wasn't really myself this year for Christmas, I sat in a chair at my grandmothers house and didn't really talk to anyone. The Liberians are in my heart. I feel so blessed to have been raised in America and have been blessed with parents who can shower my sister and me with gifts, but sometimes I question why. I wonder what Christmas there looks like. Maybe more like CHRISTmas and less like X-mas. I think Christmas brings out greed in many people, including myself. For some reason lately I have been judging how much people love my by what they give me, which is completely backwards. I have never done that before. With graduation, I decided I was the least favorite neice because I didn't get anything from 2 of my aunts, and for Christmas my grandparents gave me less than the rest of the grandkids and I let that get to me, but in reality I know that is not true. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why is Christmas the time when we are supposed to be most giving, but we end up most greedy? It is something I have had to pray through today, and I hope that you all were able to see joy in the things that were given, not gotten because Christmas for me was not very fun with this attitude.